Friday, October 5, 2012

The Formerly Unreleased Dear Diary: Greg's

So, recently John Hamm and I got together and did a spin-off post of "Dear Diary: Greg" about our friend Apollo

How were we supposed to know that Greg would get so upset and jealous?!?

It was like another dog peed on his fire hydrant.

He threatened to end our friendship! 

It was terrifying, Diary....

So, Lemon, John Hamm, and I got together and decided to post some of the unreleased "Dear Diary: Greg" entries to prove our love and devotion. After all, Greg... Apollo was just a one time thing. You're still the main man in our Diary.

So, these are the entries that preceded Greg's vacation a few weeks ago when we gave life to the twitter account for the Diary.

Dear Diary: Greg isn't wearing his hat!!!!! I almost didn't recognize him! What is happening?!?!?!?!

Dear Diary: Total emergency!! Greg is going out of town for two weeks, and he leaves in four days! I...I'm not prepared, Diary...

Dear Diary: What will Greg do without us for two weeks?!

Dear Diary: Is it too late to make a cardboard Greg standup?

Dear Diary: If I gave Greg a picture of me, do you think he would keep it under his hat as a token for his safe return?!

Dear Diary: What if Greg comes back with a different hat? Will I even recognize him? What does that say about him that he'd just replace his hat?

Dear Diary: Will California change Greg? Will he come back with dreadlocks and a bongo drum? What will I do, Diary?

Dear Diary: How expensive is a plane ticket to California? Do you think Greg would mind if I followed him? Even if it's in his best interests?

Dear Diary: What if Greg gets elected governor of California? Stranger things have happened, Diary!!

Dear Diary: Do you think that Greg will dine with Ex-Governator Schwarzenegger? Will my dream come true????

Dear Diary: What if Greg just conquers California by accident? How awkward! 

Dear Diary: What if Greg becomes ruler of California and leads them in seceding?! Will he make everyone in his kingdom wear hats like his?

Dear Diary: Do you think all the sun in California will make Greg grow even taller?

Dear Diary: What if moon men choose now to attack when we're not there to protect Greg? Or him to protect us? We're doomed, Diary!!!!

Dear Diary: Can Greg surf?

Dear Diary: If Greg can surf, does he still wear his hat?

Dear Diary: Does Greg's hat give him extra buoyancy? 

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg is friends with Redwood trees? Can he speak to them?

Dear Diary: Is Greg perhaps a descendant of the Redwood trees? Is that why he's so tall?

Dear Diary: If Greg met a bear, do you think the bear would play dead?

Dear Diary: Does the tide turn because of Greg's magnetism?

Dear Diary: Will Greg's presence on the west coast cause weather patterns to change in Japan?

Dear Diary: ...do you think Greg will ride a dolphin?

Dear Diary: ...Should I draw a picture of what I think that would look like?

Dear Diary: ...Should we use said picture as our cardboard standup?

Dear Diary: ...I think we're geniuses.

Dear Diary: I think I'm going to miss Greg while he's away...

Dear Diary: What if another hostess becomes his best friend? :(

Dear Diary: Greg would never do that... Would he? Oh Diary, now I'm distressed...

Dear Diary: I went to go look at Greg while he was prepping sausage. He didn't look up. I think things are changing between us, Diary! I don't know what to do!!

Dear Diary: ...have... have I already lost him?

Dear Diary: Haha, that's preposterous! I got that love potion from a bonafide Creole Voodoo lady! There's no way it wouldn't have worked! How silly of me, Diary!

Dear Diary: If only Greg knew how many swamp rats had to die for that potion...

Dear Diary: I can't believe I got all worried for nothing! Oh witches' brew, you bring such peace of mind.

Dear Diary: What did women do before witches and voodoo? I certainly don't know, but it must have sucked.

Dear Diary: I noticed no marmoset when Greg has his hat off today. Do you think it ran away, Diary?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg is going to California because that's where the marmoset went?

Dear Diary: Could this trip to California just be an epic quest for their Man-Mini-monkey friendship?

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